Now, while everybody knows that it is actually impossible (read: IMPOSSIBLE) to get a new passport turned around in less than 48 hours, The Guru had no doubts that he would be on the plane on time. Why? Because one of the philosophies that he lives by is that ‘What you believe, you create’ – and The Guru believed with every fibre of his fluffy-haired being, that he would be boarding a plane to Bali the following afternoon, with a renewed passport in his hand.
So what did he do? Did he:
b) Make sure he had all the correct passport renewal forms filled out?
c) Go straight to bed so he could be up bright and early, the second the passport office opened?
Answer: None of the above.
Instead, he stayed up until 1am, manically photoshopping his passport picture.
The first, is that this is what the Guru normally looks like.
The second, is that by the time The Guru was done, he looked less like Paul Bennett, and more like Paulina la Frou Frou, a strange, poe-faced tranny who works nights at a cabaret probably called The Pink Poodle or The Fabulous Fanny.
But does the Guru think for a minute there’s even a small chance he might not get his passport? Of course not. One of his other life philosophies is to ‘Act As If’. (Which is much the same as What You Think, You Create). So, with his curly silver mullet flapping softly behind him, he flew out the door of the passport office, and into the nearest post office to have a new picture taken.
Unfortunately, it was raining that day. And so the Guru’s glorious mop of shining curls were damp, and flat, and sad and dejected. They refused to be fluffed. Add to that the strain of a clock ticking down just a few hours until he was due to board a plane with his family, and all the panic, the madness, the worries of the world were etched on The Guru’s normally glowing face.
Now, if you saw someone who looked like the Guru in his actual passport photo, you would cross the street. In fact, you would probably run, screaming.
This is what he has to live with for the next 10 years.
Now I won’t tell you the whole story, because one day the Guru will tell it in full, in his book, which promises to be a future bestseller. But what I can say, is that just 3 hours later, he had his new passport in hand, and was happily boarding his flight, as scheduled. As expected.
Which just goes to show that a little bit of optimism goes a very long way.