It’s Wednesday today. I can’t help but think that Wednesday is the most boring, snore-inducing day of the week. Not far enough away from unpopular, dorky Monday and still too far from the joys of fun Friday.

If Wednesday was a person she would have about as much personality as a paving stone, be devoid of humour and wear beige. And every time Wednesday opened her mouth to say something, I’d roll my eyes rudely, flick my hand in Wednesday’s forgettable face and say, “Fuck off, Wednesday, you’re boring me.”

So what to do on this most uninspiring of weekdays? Jazz her up a little. Layer on the sparkle, put on your best frock and make like Tutti and The Guru: a big scoop of gelato is definitely in order.