If you know me at all, you’ll know I’m a crazy dog lady.
It was the early ’90s. I was at a friend’s Batmitzvah and I was sat at a table full of very pleasant girls, one of whom could not get over the outfit another of the guests was wearing.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve thought I was funny-looking.
I’m not the only one. The second she clapped eyes on me, Tutti, thought I was pretty funny-looking too. And once she realised that any criticism of her new baby sent The Goat into paroxysms of rage, my chicken-legs and I had no chance at all.
There is almost nothing as disappointing as ordering food at a restaurant, expecting it to be delicious and having those expectations smashed into a trillion unpalatable pieces the minute your tastebuds decide to protest your culinary choices.
You know how sometimes you have those days where you want to scream ‘Fuuuuuuck Youuuuuuuuuu!’ at the mundanity of life? (No? Just me? That was awkward!)
Well, you will be heartened to know that according to The Guru you are a ‘multi dimensional being’, living an experiential existence wherever you are right now, while other aspects of your personality live in different countries and centuries simultaneously.
(NB: I could not possibly imagine how I was going to illustrate this post, so I decided that on this occasion, it was probably safer for all of us if I just stuck with the words…)
Sometimes you have those days that you never forget (try as you might). This story is about one of those days. This story is about the day my manager shat her pants.